Sexuality - Explore Your Sexual Desires & Fantasies

🌀 Exploring Asexuality: Growing, Changing, and Finding Belonging

You might realize over time that labels like heterosexual, asexual, or aromantic don’t fully capture how you feel. Desire and attraction can shift. Sometimes, changes in libido might be influenced by health, medication, or life events  but more often, they reflect the natural fluidity of human experience.

When you don’t feel sexual attraction, but you also don’t fully identify as asexual, it’s okay to feel uncertain. Asexuality—or being on the “ace spectrum”—covers a wide range of experiences, where people might feel little to no sexual attraction, or only under specific emotional conditions.

You are not alone on this spectrum. Exploring your feelings and identity can lead to powerful insights and self-understanding.

🧠 A Turning Point: Seeing Yourself Through Fiction

One day I watched the character Rod in BoJack Horseman explore his asexuality and the way it affected his relationships. Something clicked. His uncertainty, pressure to conform, and confusion deeply resonated with me. Until then, I had no idea asexuality was even a possibility.

In 2019, I began questioning my own feelings. By 2020, I accepted “asexual” as a label that suited me. I confided in one trusted family member and started learning more. Since then, I’ve been actively reading, listening, and growing in my understanding.

🔄 From Reflection to Action

Learning about asexuality in books and articles was validating. But I also encountered dismissal and gatekeeping—people telling me I didn’t “qualify” as ace. That pushed me to reclaim my experience.

I began sharing my story publicly, speaking out about boundaries and inclusion, and asking questions about how the ace community itself can evolve. One issue that stood out: mainline sex-positivity movements often sideline asexual people, as if “sexual” always must equal “active.”

❓ Asexuality Is Not “No Sexuality”

Asexuality doesn’t mean you can’t have sex, enjoy intimacy, or experience fantasy. Many aces, demisexuals, and graysexuals engage in sexual or romantic relationships. What differs is when or why sexual attraction arises.

Recent research shows that people across the ACE spectrum report varying frequencies and intensities of erotic fantasy and desire. Some have fantasies disconnected from real people, while others desire closeness in non-sexual ways. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

⚠️ Mental Health, Stigma, and Misunderstanding

Studies reveal that asexual people are more likely to face depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts—often linked to minority stress from stigma and misunderstanding. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+1

In the UK, a recent survey found that 31% of respondents believed asexuality could be “cured” by therapy highlighting widespread ignorance. King's College London+1

In China, therapists and clients alike report that asexual people experience discrimination, pathologization, and dismissal in therapy settings. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Because of these pressures, many aces remain closeted or face internalized shame—a reality we must address with empathy and education.

💫 Split Attraction & Identity Nuance

One useful framework is the Split Attraction Model (SAM) it distinguishes between sexual attraction (whom you feel sexual desire for) and romantic attraction (whom you feel emotional desire for). These can align or diverge. Wikipedia

That means someone might be aromantic but still experience sexual attraction, or asexual but romantically drawn to others. Understanding that complexity frees you from rigid labels.

🚀 What I Wish I Knew Earlier

  • It’s okay if you don’t feel or want sex. Society pushes us to believe sex is mandatory but it’s not.

  • Pressuring yourself to "fit in" can delay real self-discovery and hurt your mental health.

  • Being ace is not shameful, weird, or unworthy-it's just one way among many to experience human connection.

  • Sex positivity should include ace people, too celebrating consent, autonomy, and choice, whether sexual or not.

  • Discrimination against aces—such as pathologizing them or invalidating their identities—is serious and must be challenged.

🔮 Moving Forward: What’s Next

  • Join communities and conversations—spaces like AVEN give voice to ace people. Wikipedia

  • Support affirming mental health care that doesn’t assume sexual desire is the norm.

  • Advocate for visibility. In the UK, only 1 in 10 asexual people are open about their identity at work. Them

  • Hold both inclusivity and creativity in tension: we need sex-positive work that also uplifts non-sexual and low-desire experiences.

✨ Final Thoughts

I’m still learning every day—what turns me on, what I want, and who I am. That’s okay. Embracing asexuality doesn’t close doors—it opens them. It gives space to rethink intimacy, relationships, and self-worth without rushing toward norms.

There’s power in having the freedom to say yes, no, or to redefine what connection means on your terms.